Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
