yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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