Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
