evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
