The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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