girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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