Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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