I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
