I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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