how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
