I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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