Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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