OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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