i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
