You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
