Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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