So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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