I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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