my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
