That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
