CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
