He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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