rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
