Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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