if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
