dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize