Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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