hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
