Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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