Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you will always have a special place in my vag
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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