grandma shit on top of the toilet
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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