how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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