just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
