Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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