Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
