Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
