Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
