I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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