Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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