He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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