i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
