I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
