If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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