I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
