My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
