Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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