Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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