biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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