I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
