If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
