how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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