hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
