Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The Olympian is in my bed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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