That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
