you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
