she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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