We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
