you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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