I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize