My hand turned me down
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
