I wish you could order shots online.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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