Apparently you make a good broom.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary