Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (6120) Bad night (677)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do

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  (303): other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do http://tfl.nu/c5r9
  Replies (14) Good night (5764) Bad night (1352)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.

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  (907): started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night. http://tfl.nu/6i6d
  Replies (20) Good night (1129) Bad night (5014)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.

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  (850): my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster. http://tfl.nu/974x
  Replies (14) Good night (7806) Bad night (1452)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

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  (404): Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow http://tfl.nu/pzca
  Replies (5) Good night (2817) Bad night (1253)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund

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  (614): ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund http://tfl.nu/czuk
  Replies (8) Good night (2590) Bad night (1348)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  ..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing

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  (709): ..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing http://tfl.nu/8uai
  Replies (6) Good night (2786) Bad night (797)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training

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  (519): I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training http://tfl.nu/kvls
  Replies (12) Good night (3204) Bad night (1818)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b

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  (860): Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b http://tfl.nu/niwv
  Replies (7) Good night (1590) Bad night (2194)
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  (530): View more from California

  I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

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  (530): I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting" http://tfl.nu/k1xw
  Replies (7) Good night (2006) Bad night (891)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

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  (775): She called to say she's single and blow job season is back. http://tfl.nu/ndvl
  Replies (7) Good night (3673) Bad night (650)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving

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  (641): and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/ilw7
  Replies (1) Good night (674) Bad night (430)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..

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  (727): Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter.. http://tfl.nu/a2wm
  Replies (0) Good night (863) Bad night (343)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.

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  (918): My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo. http://tfl.nu/6dok
  Replies (3) Good night (895) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus

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  (253): You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus http://tfl.nu/gk7l
  Replies (0) Good night (229) Bad night (401)

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