my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
