just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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