When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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