so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
