matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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