If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My life is pants optional.
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