You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
