I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
from now on my penis is your penis
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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