Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
