Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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