i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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