bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
