Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
