I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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