I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
