I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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