We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
