he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
