she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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