is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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