He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
