it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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