whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
